Thursday, April 26, 2012

Mommy Wars - My two cents.

I am going to talk about something slightly controversial today.  The Mommy Wars.

It's all over the news and the radio, and it's an old topic.  It's mostly about the choices women make when it comes to our lives.  Be it personal, professional etc.  Some people like to pit SAHM (Stay at Home Mom's) vs Working Moms.  There are many different names for them both.

Here are my brief thoughts on this.  One, our mothers (and their mothers and so on) made the "feminist" choices and advances they did so that we would have a CHOICE.  Not so that we could try to "have it all."

And I also think that every woman's definition of "having it all" is a different one.  For some that means balancing a career and raising children, for others it means not having children at all and for others it might be staying home to raise the children. 

(just a quick note, as I meet new mama's I find that most of them don't "stay home" anyway...they are always out and about!)

So anyway...I read this article this morning:

Go ahead, give it a quick read and come back.


Okay, so I read that article this morning and it reminded me of something that someone had told me once.  About how when we have many choices, it's hard to decide.  But if we are given just a few things to choose from it's easy.  For example, if you picture yourself at the grocery store and you are going to buy some jam and you have 15 different flavors to choose from...which one will you pick?  How long will it take you to decide?  Now picture you only have two choices.  Grape or Strawberry.  You will probably make your decision much quicker and be pretty happy with that decision.  But when we have many choices we might second guess our decision.

This is exactly what I have been going through the past year.  I have SO many choices.  And I'm afraid to make the "wrong" choice.  I can't decide what to do.  The person who could have made this decision a year and half ago doesn't exist anymore.  My life is now completely different.  I'm not the same anymore.

To those of you who have made your choices...are you happy and confident you made the right choice?  To those women who are not mama's...if you become one, do you think you know what decision you would make? 

Is it okay for me to change my mind a hundred times about what I am going to do with my life and what kind of Mom I am going to be?  Which team am I on for the Mommy Wars?

And is it taking our society backwards if I agree with the writer of that article and say it would be a lot easier if I didn't have a choice?  How about I get just two choices?  Because I can easily choose between Grape and Strawberry.

I would pick Strawberry of course. :)


Kris said...

oiy....this is also a daily struggle for me as well. i would do much better with limited options, isn't it sad how in a way we've gone backwards?

Ronja said...

Just remember, no decision in life is permanent until the day you die. You can always change your mind if you don't like what you decide. My other favorite piece of advice is to not get upset over things you cannot change (or that aren't practical to change at the moment). Each and every day you chose your feelings over your situation. You have the exact same ability to embrace a situation and think positively about it as you do to sulk in it. Each choice is simply that, a choice about how to look at it. So take the positive approach.

Change what you want to change and embrace your decision. If you don't like it, then change it again (until the day you die if you wish).

Dani said...

Kris - It does seem backwards doesn't it?

Ronja - I can totally tell your therapist is worth every penny. :)

thenew30something said...

Here's the thing that many moms have yet to figure out:
1) No choice is permanent we are constantly changing our minds based on what our famiy needs at that present time, and that is OKAY!
2) Do what is RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY! and no one else's, meaning grandparents, aunts uncles, friends, none of these people can tell you what the right decision is for you and your child
3) We are human, error is not only going to happen it is supposed to happen, our children will only be better when we all learn from our mistakes
4) SAHM vs Working mom should never be teams, should never be sides to pick, each one equally brings value to the home!

Mimi said...

Either choice carries benefits and also means there are times that "Something or Someone" will lose out..
Stay at home and you might miss the ability to Have or Do something that appeals to you..
Work and your family might have to do without the closeness of being together..

Follow your heart, and as your sister pointed out, If your first choice is a mistake, you can change it.. As your family grows, your and their needs will change and YOU can change to go along with it..
A Family discussion ( meaning you and your hubby)should help bring up the Pros and Cons .. of making that decision NOW... maybe it will change when the little one goes to school..
To me it all comes down to where you and they will be the happiest..


Sarah C soon to be P said...

Wow, wow, and wow!!! I love all the responses and think you can sum them up with, do what works for you at that point in time. There is no right or wrong decision and only you know what works for YOU!! Ronja said it best "no decision in life is permanent until the day you die". I have a feeling everyone goes through this at many points in their life, with or without chidren. We all make misatkes and take from those mistakes what we have learned to move forward in life. Life would be too simple if it were just "grape or strawberry", what would happen to all of the oranges, raspberries, and apricots ; ). Oh, but just so you know, I'm strawberry all the way!!

Sarah C soon to be P said...

No pun intended on spelling mistakes wrong LOL!!

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